Archive for July, 2010

I’m not sure whether anyone should read this. But still I want to post this, because this post will show everyone what I am. It may be offensive to many people and may sound whiny to some, but this is the truth.

I don’t have any specific ambition. I don’t wana be the CEO of some company, or to be bigger than someone. I don’t want to be some person who is responsible for every freaking thing in the world. I don’t want to be the person who everyone bows to or is friends with. For those of you who ask, I don’t know why..

The second thing I hate about me?.. I don’t love anyone enough. This may sound cruel really, but I’m gonna explain this one. I am not PASSIONATE about anything. About my job, about my parents, about my country, about God.. you get the idea. I don’t want to give the wrong impression, I love them, its just that I don’t feel like shouting out my affection.. other than for the bf, that is. Just saying this makes me feel hypocritic, but trust me, he is the guy who I’ve loved with complete abandon, and who has never delivered affections to me the same way I have. Its been 3 years since I’m with him, and he says he cannot express his feelings. But I’m selfish. I need to hear I Love You 3489 times a day and get million hugs, which never happens. It just never happens. And its not that he doesn’t love me. He freakin doesn’t SHOW it! And now you know where my crazy is coming from.

Third and the final thing I will bother with today.. I CANNOT, CANNOT maintain relationships. Every relationship I have ever had has ended badly, either with me sad or the other..(most of the times its me). And for no fault of mine.. no really, for no fault of mine. EVER!! And I’m not that ugly looking, and I’m not a child-tormentor or a hateful person. Im quite normal, actually. And they always come back crawling, but for friendship. talking of friendship, I cannot maintain those relationships either. I have very few friends.. wait.. no actually.. none, I guess. Sure, they text me and everything, but they are not the friends I want to talk to about bad days.

 Yeah, I know this post is weird, whiny and long, but this is all I can come up with right now. So, for the time being, this is what I leave you with.


I am..

Posted: July 26, 2010 in Uncategorized

but the one thing I am not..
is insensitive..

I miss…

Posted: July 23, 2010 in ramblings

*the carefree feeling of childhood..
*mom’s home made food
*someone to hold me in their arms..
*goofing around break free..
*getting hideously wet in the rain..
*laughing aloud without abandon..
*lying on the bed with the bf wrapped around me..
*9 hours of straight sleep
*eating loads of chocolates
*a complete dinner
*ice cold juice..
*kisses on the forehead..
*shouting angrily at someone without thinking
*dad’s lectures
*texting marathons
*watching cartoons
*oh jeez..reading raunchy novels and hiding them with my life!
*love and happiness..

pissed beyond hell..

Posted: July 22, 2010 in furious rant

I hate suck ups. Period. They are completely at peace ruining you when they see that they will have a greater advantage of making an impression. I mean, what the fuck dude? You are wrong, so you are wrong. Shouting on someone else in presence of your colleagues is more humiliating and infuriating than anything else! It is your failure, deal with it! Don’t try and blame some one for your faults. Truth is, you are an enormous asshole and an obnoxious suck up. Deal with it. May you rot in hell. Amen

Seriously, there is nothing better than an enormous and delicious ice cream cone in the drizzle.. A hot cuppa Tea in the rain is now banned to me!! From now on, I’m grabbing an ice cream everytime the skies open…mmmm…


Posted: July 20, 2010 in sad and lonely

I have gotten my heart broken a million times.. and trust me, I’m not exaggerating at all. there are the little heartbreaks, and then there are the BIG ones. I have had a million of those in this lifetime… the heartbreak when you see that no one wants you anymore, the heartbreak when no one misses you when you are not around, the heartbreak when no one wants to talk to you about their day.. the list is endless..and the heartbreak is endless. but the even bigger heartbreak is, when this happens again, and again, and yet again…the feeling that there will be no one to wish you on your wedding day, no one to cry at your funeral, no one to hold your hand when you just cannot take it anymore.. you might think that I would have mastered the art of feeling lonely by now.. but it still is, and will remain, heartbreak..


Posted: July 19, 2010 in Uncategorized

ok, this may make people feel that I have been living under a rock all these years, but I have no shame in admitting that im completely in love with grey’s anatomy. I mean, how cute is the theme song? oh Jeez, one more series addiction.. wasn’t gossip girl enough?